“fun individuals click here”

… the seventh day, the red flag of time calculation, the numerical instigator of stress. When they say “things will look better in the morning” they obviously didn’t take into account Monday mornings…

If the usual fear patterns that occur on a Sunday night (instilled and ingrained through years of an unwilling attendance in the education system’s mechanical timetable) are ever to be felt more; it is in their very absence. A restful Sunday nights sleep wholly unprepares the (already) fragile mind as to the myopia of stresses that can and will occur the preceding morning.

As so it is that I find myself boggle- eyed, opened- mouthed; desperately trying to summon the rational parts of my brain into firing some kind of synaptical appraisal of my current situation. Explicitly, how it is that I could so completely mis-read a letter. That familiar, yet consistently terrifying green- bordered manilla envelope…a letter from the Revenues and Benefits division. It is yet to become apparent to me as to why those artifices of society sanctioned to help the individual, continue to elicit the body’s fight or flight response. Exactly why is it that our DNA has a response peculiar to fearing these authoritative organisations? My guess is the forms; bureaucracy is the single most terrifying force to the nature of intrinsically animal beings.

After an intense battle through the myriad complexity of modern technology (MCMT, or The Internet as you may know it)- 4 hours. It would appear that the solution to this mornings problems can only be rectified tomorrow. NB: even after the shortest haul of unemployment, it is all too easy to fall foul to the thruthlessness of the notion that most, if not all problems can only be solved the next day. Procrastination is a core survival skill, one that remains uncomfortable for only the briefest of spells. A short, polite email to the appropriate bodies soothes the shame of recent cognitive shortcomings.

Stage Two: Continuation of the job search.

The dazzlingly appealing demographic of untrained, inexperienced office worker has many advantages when browsing the latest job offers, namely, it becomes a very swift endeavour. Not understanding half the job titles; knowing you are a completely unsuitable candidate within the first line of the post; having your lack of any kind of appropriate skill written in BIG FRIENDLY LETTERS as an immediate form of rejection. These do wonders for the mind’s ability to hold the dwindling threads of your sanity and self- regard together, never mind their benefits as to the weight of your lonely inbox. Note: such tasks are and will soon be proved to be bad for one’s mental health. Thus, they are tasks to be done is requisite small doses. Immediately to be followed by something unrelated, menial and rewarding in its simplicity. To treat yourself, after all your hard work.

Days four, five and six provided more entertaining ways to while away the grey hours of existence sans purpose. A fourteen mile cycle is both a punishing form of exercise and 3 hours of time well spent. Again, walking would probably factor a collective 11 hours throughout the weekend. Note: half a bottle of red wine is not indicative of newly acquired powers of fore- sight; it will result in you getting lost near Cameron Toll, after aforementioned day of cycling. A trip to the zoo; 4 hours to reaffirm your belief in the abolition of animals in captivity. If the dismal, disarray of the surroundings of the zoo says anything, it speaks of slipping animal welfare. Even the least sentient of creatures had the allure of the bored, the listless, the resigned frustrated. If the human does not enjoy the state of the surroundings, it would be easy to assume the animals may feel even a hint of this. Temporary closure would be the most pleasant form of action.

Now, Tea. I have a newly acquired appreciation for shop brand (i.e. discount) Earl Grey Tea. Its hypocrisy delights me; I shall buy the cheapest tea, but it will be the loveliest of the tea, I am empowered by this, I have yet to lose all my dignity. So I shall leave you to your tea, and me to mine: milk, one sugar- 7 mins.