“fun individuals click here”

… the seventh day, the red flag of time calculation, the numerical instigator of stress. When they say “things will look better in the morning” they obviously didn’t take into account Monday mornings…

 

If the usual fear patterns that occur on a Sunday night (instilled and ingrained through years of an unwilling attendance in the education system’s mechanical timetable) are ever to be felt more; it is in their very absence. A restful Sunday nights sleep wholly unprepares the (already) fragile mind as to the myopia of stresses that can and will occur the preceding morning.

 

As so it is that I find myself boggle- eyed, opened- mouthed; desperately trying to summon the rational parts of my brain into firing some kind of synaptical appraisal of my current situation. Explicitly, how it is that I could so completely mis-read a letter. That familiar, yet consistently terrifying green- bordered manilla envelope…a letter from the Revenues and Benefits division. It is yet to become apparent to me as to why those artifices of society sanctioned to help the individual, continue to elicit the body’s fight or flight response. Exactly why is it that our DNA has a response peculiar to fearing these authoritative organisations? My guess is the forms; bureaucracy is the single most terrifying force to the nature of intrinsically animal beings. Continue reading ‘“fun individuals click here”’

…and on the first day i did nothing…

There are many uncertainties in life; many more when you slip into the realm coveted by over- worked service staff, sneered at by the working elite. And so it is that I find myself sitting in my flat, cigarette in hand, on a promising Thursday, looking somewhat like The Dude.

To the unassuming outsider it may seem that this is not a game I am new to; there around me is the detritus of folded envelopes, half- opened letters, scrunched up rizla, etc etc… all pointing to a life, comfortably settled to that of “Job Seeker”. Yet this (taking into account visiting friends, family trips) is actually only my third real day of unemployment.

I have already beaten my way through the preliminary psychosis associated with the absence of work; I have done (what any demi- computer user would surmise as) a thorough days jobs hunting; i’ve submitted two genuine job applications (i.e., for jobs I would and could actually get, i.e., not Parakeet handler, Avon representative…). I’ve jumped right into the all- consuming fear of fuck-i-really-have-to-find-a-job-immediately; I experienced latent (minor) panic attacks, and have now moved through to the motivating, if not highly irritating sphere of enforced restlessness. When the body and mind are not occupied with their usual exhaustive outlets; the feet start to itch, the eyes start to wander, the minds bounces ceaselessly. Continue reading ‘…and on the first day i did nothing…’




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